FML MOMENTS!

Subject: FML MOMENTS! Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:39 pm

Today, my teenage stepdaughters, as a punishment for refusing to buy them iphones, told my wife they saw me in town kissing an attractive blonde and grabbing her ass (all invented). She believed it and i'm single. I've been faithful and feeding the whole family for 10 years. FML

Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said "I'm pretending to be mommy from last night." I was on a business trip last night. FML

Today, my boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed, told me all the things he loved about me, got down on one knee and pulled out the little blue box I had been hoping for, for so long. He opened the box and there was a note inside that said, "April Fools!" FML

Today, the girl I love and I went to visit my parents out of state for the first time. My father grinned and acknowledged that she was a "keeper", at which she laughed and said we were "just friends". I was going to propose to her next week. FML

Today, I got a letter from Princeton that said i got accepted. I jumped for joy screaming at the top of my lungs. My little brother walks in laughing with his camcorder on record. He played a joke on me and gave me the real letter. I was denied. FML

Today, my parents yelled at me for 10 minutes without letting me get a word in edgewise for getting a 48 on my test. They took my phone, unplugged my internet, and took my car keys. They wouldn't listen no matter how many times I told them "It was out of 50". It actually was. FML

Today, I got accepted to Yale University. My parents response: "We never expected you to get into college. We spent all of our savings on sending your brother to school." FML

Lol!

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Wed Apr 28, 2010 4:51 pm

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Wed Apr 28, 2010 6:11 pm

Lmao theres plenty more i can put em if u want

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Wed Apr 28, 2010 6:27 pm

iight

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Wed Apr 28, 2010 8:54 pm

Today, I waited in line to get into a club with my girlfriend, the bouncer only let her in, she told me to call her if I needed anything and left me. We were supposed to celebrate my birthday. FML

Today, my 14 year old sister deleted my entire iTunes library, which had every song by The Doors, The Beatles, The Grateful Dead and the Rolling Stones, because she thought my music was "weird." She replaced it with Britney Spears, Panic at the Disco and the Jonas Brothers. FML

Today, I turned 22, without anyone wishing me a happy birthday. In fact, the only phone call I received all day was from my brother. He wanted to borrow money. FML

Today, for Easter my brother & sister both got $200 gifts from my parents. I got a chocolate egg. I'm allergic to chocolate. FML

Today, I'm playing basketball with my little brother. After jokingly blocking his shot, he turns to me and says "You're a bitch." He's 6. After asking where he heard that word, he responded with "Daddy calls you that when you're not around." FML

Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML

Guest

THAT LAST 1 IS FKING HILARIOUS MAN

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Mon May 17, 2010 1:16 pm

Quote :: Today, my boyfriend brought me breakfast in bed, told me all the things he loved about me, got down on one knee and pulled out the little blue box I had been hoping for, for so long. He opened the box and there was a note inside that said, "April Fools!" FML

lmao! dam dats horrible!

Quote :: Today, I got accepted to Yale University. My parents response: "We never expected you to get into college. We spent all of our savings on sending your brother to school." FML

dats bold. lol. and btw wat does FML mean?

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Mon May 17, 2010 2:38 pm

Fuck My Life Lol!

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Mon May 17, 2010 3:45 pm

well dat makes sense. lol

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Mon May 17, 2010 9:34 pm

Lmfaoo... All epics... and out of curiosity (( I'm not up to date with this new chat lingo ))... what's "smh" ? xD

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Mon May 17, 2010 11:40 pm

it SMH - shakein my head XD

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Tue May 18, 2010 1:17 pm

Lol... kk just wonderin... never really understood why everyone always says smh xD

Guest

Today is the day b4 the 2010 Apocolypse...

I hang myself from atop of a tree just to find out that it was nothing but a lie...

So i died for nothing...

FML....

Subject: Re: FML MOMENTS! Tue May 18, 2010 3:08 pm

lol woooow dats all bad. dyed bcuz of a stupid ass ly tld by human beings. lol